


Of Furry Little Problems

by TheAfterthought



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, F/M, Gen, M/M, Modern AU, people checking each other out, sad attempt at humor, some foul language
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-02
Updated: 2015-03-02
Packaged: 2018-03-15 21:59:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3463553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAfterthought/pseuds/TheAfterthought
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The new neighbor's monster rabbit is running around London, destroying innocent bachelor's flowers and disappearing into the night. Sirius wouldn't even bother keeping an eye out for it if it's owner wasn't so hot and clever. And maybe finding the little beast wouldn't be so difficult if he didn't also have to deal with saving his bike from his evil mother, recovering escaped toddlers from the streets of London, helping his batty landlady keep her building, and getting Remus Lupin to date him along the way. Also, there's the odd little problem of the rabbit only showing up on full moons...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Furry Little Problems

**Author's Note:**

> This is me trying to write something that resembles romance and humor. I've never written non-magical AU before, either, so another first!
> 
> Also! I am an American, and a Texan to boot, accustom to the Texas twang and Southern lingo, so if I happen to misuse some Brit slang, please let me know.

There was a fat rabbit on Sirius's doorstep.

"Bugger off," Sirius said, shaking his boot at it. 

The rabbit sniffed the potted flowers that Sirius had just set on the ground a few minutes ago. Ignoring the black boot that made it's grey fur pale by comparison, it stuck it's nose into the blooms and nibbled on a trembling green leaf.

"Oi!" Sirius put his grocery bags down and reached for the mass of fluffy fur. It was huge, wider than his hands. His fingers disappeared into the soft coat. "Get your twitchy noise out of there! Lily'll kill me if those things die before I even--ouch!"

A sharp pain erupted in his hand and he dropped the ball of fluff to the pavement. The rabbit bounced and headed right back to the flowers, but Sirius was too busy examining the pink mark on his finger where sharp bunny teeth had burried themselves to care. It was a little dent right on the knuckle of his middle finger and it _hurt_. It had practically pierced his skin!

The little beast resumed it's attack on innocent plant life.

Sirius, who was _not_ pouting, rubbed at the wound with his thumb and straightened up. Fine. If the fat bunny wanted to destroy the flowers Lily had given him, then fine. Let Lily rain hell down on _it's_ fuzzy head, then, and not Sirius's fine mane of locks. _He_ wasn't the one mangling defenseless leaves.

He gathered up his bags and stepped around the creature. When and how it had gotten there, and what it was doing loose in the city, he didn't know. He'd turned around for a moment to flip off James as he drove away--standard parting for them, really--and when he'd turned back, the beast had been there, sniffing the maroon flowers Lily had bundled into Sirius's arms earlier that day to brighten up his sad, empty deck. There had been just enough light from the setting sun for Sirius to make out the hulking mass next to his new potted plant, and it had startled him, at first. Who knew rabbits could get so freakishly big?

Cradling the paper bags under one arm, Sirius used his free hand to unlock the door. He aimed a sneer at the still munching bunny as he stepped inside.

"Alright, then, stay," he said. "I think tonight I'll have _rabbit stew._ "

The rabbit buried it's head deeper into the flowers and snapped one long stem in half. The flower went down. Grey fur turning silver in the light of the rising full moon, the assailant rabbit looked up at Sirius with round red eyes and flashing sharp teeth and Sirius got the impression this was the rabbit's way of saying _fuck off_. 

"Right," Sirius said, and shut the door.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning, Sirius stood at the open fridge, scowling at the chocolate milk he had accidentally bought instead of regular milk when he heard a voice outside.

Who in the entire bloody Earth would be shouting this early in the morning? Sirius set the milk back into the fridge. Climbing onto his couch, he peered out the front window and raised an eyebrow.

The rabbit was gone. In it's place there was a man. He wore a dark, threadbare grey jumper, the sleeves rolled up to sharp elbows and the collar stretched to the side just a bit so it showed a glimpse of pale shoulder. His hair was so light brown it was almost blond, tufts of it swept across his brow by the wind. Sirius imagined if he ran a hand through it, it would be soft. Even fluffy, one might imagine. Sort of like running a hand through a bunny's soft coat.

Sirius didn't know if the stranger would appreciate being compared to an evil beast of a rabbit, but the guy really had no say in the matter, anyway.

"Moony!" The man called. He hadn't caught Sirius staring at him yet. He was looking at the ground in front of Sirius's door, brow furrowed, thin body slightly stooped. He sighed and bent over, giving Sirius an excellent view of a pleasant arse clad in soft, well worn jeans, then straightened up with something green and yellow in his hands.

Sirius was about to open his window and comment on strange men picking up strange things in stranger's front lawns when he realized what the man was holding.

He cursed.

Lily's gift, which had been a bright yellow pot filled with some tall standing maroon flowers straight from her carefully tended to garden, was now a yellow pot filled with short nubs of stems, mangled leaves, and one half-eaten flower that was hanging on for dear life over the side.

Lily wasn't just going to murder him. She was going to mix him with cow shit and use him as fertilizer. 

The man outside tentatively cupped the hanging flower with long, careful fingers and winced when it severed itself from it's stem and tumbled out of his hand. With a sigh, he turned, probably to set the pot somewhere out of reach of hunting rabbits, when he froze. He stared at Sirius with wide eyes, looked at the pot, sighed, and beckoned to Sirius with one hand.

They met at the front door. Sirius leaned against the wall, arms crossed, while the man stood before him with the destroyed flowers in hand.

"I don't suppose you saw the rabbit that did this to your plants?" The stranger asked. Now that they were closer, Sirius could see streaks of grey in the man's hair, though he didn't look to be any older than Sirius.

"Yeah," Sirius said. He scowled. "Evil little blighter, bigger than my boot. Grey fur, fat, and razor sharp teeth."

"He bit you?"

" _Attacked_ me," Sirius held up his middle finger and shook it for emphasis. "Right here."

The man raised an eyebrow. Sirius huffed and folded his finger down. 

"I didn't mean to aim that at you. But it did bite me there, look."

The man leaned closer. Sirius held his hand out, fingers spread, and glanced at the man's eyes. Amber eyes, almost golden in the light of the morning sun. And he smelled good, Sirius realized. A bit like Earl Grey, and a muskier scent, like old books--

"Oh, just a nip, then."

Sirius wheeled back. "Just a nip? Practically pierced the skin! Look at that!"

"I _am_ looking." The man ran the tip of his finger over the faint, pink mark. "Can't be too painful, it's already fading. Believe me, you got off easy. He's managed to wound others far worse."

"The little blighter is yours then, is it?"

"I have been searching for him for about an hour," the man confirmed.

"Right," Sirius said, crossing his arms. "So I'll know who to sue when it gets infected and I'm carted off for surgery."

For a moment Sirius could have sworn the man had taken him seriously, with the way the amused amber eyes widened and his smirk almost faded. But then the stranger held the pot out and smiled as Sirius took it.

"I'll make sure to bring you some flowers after surgery."

"And if I die?"

"To the funeral, then."

"Big flowers."

"The biggest."

"My funeral will be a big deal."

"I'm sure."

"So they'd better be fresh and fucking fantastic."

"Of course."

"And expensive."

"You won't be able to do anything it they're not."

Sirius snorted and tucked the pot under his arm. "I'll haunt you if they're not. I'll rise out of my grave moaning and dangling chains like a proper ghoul and follow you around everywhere, even where you sleep. Which," he paused and glanced up and down the street. "Would be nearby?"

The man smiled, and clearly Sirius was not as discreet as he'd thought. "I do. I just moved in with a friend next door, in fact."

"With Peter?" Sirius was acquainted with the talkative man in the terraced flat next to Sirius's own semi-detatched house. The man was Sirius's age, lived above a pushy old nurse who had successfully kicked Sirius's smoking habit, and looked for every opportunity to talk to Sirius.

"He's an old friend from school," the stranger said. "Do you know him?"

"We talk," Sirius said, shrugging. 

"Oh." The man stuck his hands into deep pockets and rocked a bit on his heels. Sirius longed to pull him into a close embrace and maybe kiss him senseless. "Well, maybe we'll run into each other. And you'll let me know if you see Moony again."

"Moony?"

"My rabbit."

"You mean the massive fluff beast."

The man smiled and held out a hand. "My furry little problem. This is the fourth time he's gotten away. Remus Lupin, by the way."

Sirius tried for a smoldering look and a secretive smile and, telling by the blush rising on Remus's cheeks, succeeded. He shook the offered hand. "Sirius Black."

"Sorry about the flowers," Lupin said. "I'll buy you some replacements."

Sirius almost said _Nah, don't bother, I'll be dead next time you see me--murder by garden shovel,_ but thought better of it and said, "See if you can find some blue ones. Brings out my eyes better."

"You're going to be wearing them in your hair, then?"

Sirius sniffed. "Maybe. I like looking pretty."

Lupin gave him a once over, smiling, and Sirius thought it was the perfect opportunity for his new neighboor to say something like, _Well, you do a good job of it,_ or, _More like smoking hot, yeah?_ But instead, Lupin smiled.

"Good night. And, ah, don't let the evil bunnies bite."

They both realized what a sad parting line that was, but Lupin turned away before Sirius could watch the blush rise to his ruffled hair, and headed next door.

"Right, goodnight!" Sirius called. Lupin looked over his shoulder and waved. Sirius watched him go, running his eyes from the top of light brown hair, down a slender back and magnificent arse, then back up to meet amber eyes as Lupin gave him one last smile before disappearing through the front door.

Sirius shut his door and returned to the kitchen. He set the pot in the sink and leaned against the counter, already visualizing Remus Lupin slipping out of his jumper for the night, pulling the soft material over smooth, pale skin--

His phone rang.

"Yeah," he answered, irritated, perfect image gone. He didn't look at the caller id.

" _They're dead already, aren't they._ "

He should have looked at the caller id.

_"You killed them somehow. Did you drop them on the deck?"_

"Thank you for showing such confidence in me, Lily," Sirius answered, scowling. 

On the other end, Lily Potter hummed. " _So they're fine, then?"_

"... _err_ , welll..."

This time tomorrow, Sirius Black was going to be flower food. He just knew it.


End file.
